You’ve Always Wanted to Ask a Lesbian, but Never Knew a Lesbian to Ask!

According to my blog and google searches, you want to know everything! What fragrance I wear. What is my favorite restaurant. If I have plans to start a home line. Who my style icons are. How do I entertain. What my house looks like. What skin products do I use. Check out my third page titled *Ask Moi* where you can ask me just that!

Don’t be shy! Ask away & be prepared to come back as I might have a question for you!

Moi xoxo

There are only two reasons I’d wake up at 5:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning — if I had to catch a plane to a far off tropical location, OR if I had the chance to see the latest Holiday & Summer makeup trends at the Nordstrom Cosmetics Trend Show. For those of us outside the world of what I guess is supposed to be true fashion, glamour and more, they have these “shows” that they call “Trend Shows” (well, at least Nordstrom does), twice a year during Fall for the Holiday forecast, and during June for the Summer season. I used to think who would be crazy enough to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to go look at makeup and fashion. Little did I realize I wasn’t the only ones. When you arrive at Nordstrom at 7:30 am, there is already a line of women waiting out front. You go, ladies! To attend a Nordstrom Cosmetics Trend Show, visit their web site for dates and locations near you. There’s a modest $15.00 cover charge, which applies toward any beauty/cosmetics purchases you make on the day of the event. If you love cosmetics but are NOT a morning person, then be forewarned: the Trend Show is kinda like a rock concert. There’s loud music, hot models, screaming women (no joke!) and unbridled makeup and fashion enthusiasm! DVF flowing dresses, Tommy Bahamas beach totes, & sea foam blue eyeshadow from Mac’s new summer collection were to die for!

Until Fall 2008!

Moi xoxo

If only Hawaii were closer, Candice Morales just might be a commuter. “I’m a little island-obsessed” admits the peripatetic makeup artist and hair stylist. The words “bronzer” and “glow” comes out of her mouth 365 days out of the year so of course tropical resorts enter her mind quite often! Candice Morales knows a thing or two about make up and hair styling as this OC based celebrity racks up car and frequent flier miles jetting off to LA and NY for cosmetic and hair shoots. She even gets to act out her resort obsession by hopping off to her favorite island destination of Kauai and Honolulu complete with her own cabana, to relax after attending to demanding models! I got her to stop and answer a few questions for me on her beauty products of choice and what she likes to do to relax.

Moi:I think I know you pretty well to say to come between you and your makeup is like don’t touch a black man’s radio station! You probably love your makeup and hair products more than you like small children! Thanks to you I am in love with my Physicians Formula Summer Eclipse Bronzing Powder compact. This amazing bi-colored bronzer combines the perfect blend of pearlescent gold and warm bronze to create a warm and vibrant bronzed complexion all year long without the harmful effects of the sun. How did you come across Physicians Formula makeup and the Summer Eclipse powder?
CM: Well I am always looking for products that have great STAYING POWER as well as good for your skin! I’ve used everything from MAC to Dior *word to the wise* MAC is a great powder for photo shoots but not for daily wear as it clogs the pores. I came across the Summer Eclipse Powder at Rite Aid and thought why not it looks nice and I have always been a big tester of brands. So in doing this, I found a great powder and bronzer combined. No matter what time of the year this powder gives the face a nice hint of color and staying power that I need. I especially love using it when I take pictures, it gives me the GLOW I need without looking caked on. Make up should enhance your beauty not cover it! I use this powder right after I apply my foundation and for those hot summer days when I don’t want to wear too much makeup. I apply a light moisturizer or a tinted one by either Neutrogena or MAC as both reflect light to give that dewy look. Then apply the powder to set the makeup. I also keep one in my purse for personal touchups

Enough make up, I want to be nosey:

Moi: What’s your favorite off-duty activity?
CM: My hammock and a good magazine! If you only knew how many I had! Moi understands!

Moi: Of course I understand, I have as many magazines! So what’s the last book you read?
CM: Skinny Bitch which is a great book on what to eat and what not. Also Face Forward from my favorite makeup artist of all time Kevyn Aucoin. I find his book is great to try out new and different looks

Moi: What’s in heavy rotation on your Ipod?
CM: Prince, JayZ, Jlo, AliciaKeys, Janet and Michael Jackson, Bob Marley - if you saw my ITouch I have over 4,000 songs, everything from - hiphop/r&b/reggea/jazz/classic rock/rap.. I got it all!

Moi: Favorite getaway spot?
CM: Fiji, Paris, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Brazil. For local travel I like to venture to AZ, Vegas, and NYC

Moi: What’s your favorite store in the world?

CM: Target - How addicting is this store!! For high fashion finds I do Saks, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus and Barney’s. For quality and budget friendly finds, I venture to H&M, Forever 21 and Asian boutiques found in the strip malls for those little select pieces.

Moi: What is your favorite work of art?
CM: I can’t say I have a favorite but I do favor Herb Ritts photography

Moi: What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
CM: Egg white and roma tomatoes omelet from Panini’s

Moi: What’s your dream job (other than your current occupation)?
CM: When I was younger a model but I am only 5′0!

Moi: Tea or coffee?

CM: I prefer tea to be exact, Starbucks black tea sweetened on ice otherwise known as honey ice tea mama drink! I’ve gotten everyone hooked! Depending on the occasion, I love a good Vanilla Latte or Cinnamon Chai!

Moi: When are you happiest?
CM: I would say NYC at Christmas shopping or with my loved ones in Puerto Rico and my new favorite is on Moi’s couch chit chatting and being gals!

Moi xoxo

I woke up this morning with the realization of why I haven’t posted a comment in awhile ..I have writer’s block. Let’s think again what that means? My lack of and temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity. Thank god a big inspiration for me is coming over tonight and I feel my brain will jump start once more!

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was as hot as my Baby Sis?

Moi xoxo

Mobile tattooing is the new craze! Search through your local online Craigslist and you will find an ample supply of tattoo artists offering the option of getting inked in the comfort and privacy of your own home or office. My main concern regarding tattoos whether from a shop or from home is everything should be clean and sterile. Tattooing is minor surgery. To be safe, you must shop for tattoo artists like a dentist. With the introduction of mobile tattooing, there are things you can look for, but your best bet when scouting for a mobile artist is to talk with them and ask questions. Your tattoo artist should be way more concerned about being clean and safe than you are, after all, you deal with one tattoo that day and your artist is dealing with many people every day. If the artist blows off questions or gives you vague answers, that’s not a good sign. If they are happy you are asking, answer your questions clearly, and show a genuine concern for safety then you are probably in good hands. My partner gets the “tattoo itch” once a month and wanted to share her tips on how to pick a great mobile tattoo artist as she gets Pride redone on her stomach in the video above. (Rated R for inappropriate language and slight nudity)

Choosing a Mobile Tattoo Artist

• Talk to people who have tattoos about their experiences with mobile tattoo artists. If you like the work they are wearing, ask for a referral.

• Go online and read about tattoo artists and the art of tattoo to help you understand industry standards or expectations. It wasn’t until we visited one tattoo shop here in Orange County, CA that we learned most artists would not put “lips” on the neck which would violate the old school rule of no hands or neck application. This lead to us finding a mobile artist to do the job at home.

If you Insist on a Professional Tattoo Shop

• Once you have decided on a tattoo shop, go take a look around and note whether or not the business is adhering to safety standards. The shop should be clean in appearance. Artists should not be eating or drinking in their work areas.

• Notice if the artists in the shop are wearing gloves. All of the items used in the tattoo process such as ointments, ink trays, antiseptics, and needles should be in one-time use packages. Needles should be taken out of the package in front of the client. All surfaces, tattoo table, cords, and instruments should be covered in a moisture shield such as plastic wrap. This measure protects everyone from infection from pathogens.

• If the shop and the artist check out, consult the artist. Look at photos of his previous work and plan your tattoo. If you feel comfortable with the artist and share a vision for your tattoo, book an appointment to get it done.

Moi xoxo

Funny thing is, when I asked other girl friends how they got out the dog house with their women, the answers were all pretty similar. But, as we know, women are a funny lot, and somewhat more complex. So, if you are here and you’re already in bother, or at least you will be when she finds out, then you need to work out where you are on the misdemeanor scale. Let’s see if my dear friend Bre’s suggestions on the video go for you! Or read moi’s below!

Forgotten to pick up milk/dry cleaning/dinner? Thankfully, these sorts of things are fairly minor offenses so a good apology, plus going back for the offending items goes a long way. Unless you do them on really regular basis, in which case you need something, or someone, to do some serious memory prompting with you. Pick up something fun or even just nice for her. It doesn’t have to be something expensive, in fact expensive is probably going to have the reverse effect. She might think you’ve done something even more wrong than you are admitting to!

Been out on too many girls or bois night out? Best to repay this one with some girly time to herself, or doing something really nice for her, like making dinner or breakfast in bed. Or you could organize dinner for her and her girlfriends. First things first, send her off for to a day spa for some pure indulgence, with nothing to do but relax. Treat her to a top to toe pamper day, and preferably for her and a friend. This is not going to be cheap, you’ll make the day even better for her by having someone to gossip with and enjoy the treatments and relaxation. So, while she is out getting all relaxed, you can create the perfect dinner. Just try not to trash the kitchen while you do it, otherwise the relaxing effect of the day, and the brownie points that go with it, will be gone in a moment.

Forgotten her birthday/wedding anniversary/birth of your first child? Okay, you’re in fairly serious trouble now. These are really bad offenses, and you know it. Bet you’ve been getting the silent treatment, or possible the very loud shouting, throwing of plates treatment. So first, you are going to have to apologize. A lot. And then not only produce an amazing birthday/anniversary/well done on getting through labor present but also a big sorry present too. Make this gift expensive. I recommend diamonds to get out of the doghouse quick card. This is a monopoly game, go to a good jeweler and quick. Do not skimp, and do not pass go until you are bearing sparkling gifts.

You slept with her sister/mother/best friend Oh dear, you probably don’t need me to tell you that you are beyond my help. You could try all of the above, but I think it’s probably a little late for this. Might I suggest a good divorce lawyer or, if there is a hint of a possibility that she might forgive you, search the yellow pages for a good marriage counselor.

Moi xoxo

The Real Lesbian Housewives of Orange County group is now open on Myspace. A private group to meet and befriend other lesbian housewives or LGBT’s who wish they were! Whether you live “behind the gates” or not, this group is open for some “lavish” conversation!

http://groups.myspace.com/moixoxo

Moi xoxo

I like to think of myself as a witty glamour girl. Why I even have my acceptance speech typed and ready to go! So in the spirit of Hilary Clinton and politics …here I go!

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

I’d like to thank my grandmother for teaching me how to act like a lady and my dad for always telling me that I was beautiful. For all of my ex girlfriend’s for being louts and losers, my hair stylist, my therapist, my eyebrow and bikini waxer and my son for making this moment possible …bring home the troops!

Can you tell I’ve been practicing for this?

Moi xoxo

I once read something that actually made sense. I read that certain signs have this “unexplainable” attraction to certain signs, and I’ve found this to be interesting! Here’s what I read:

Sign attracted to

Aries ~ Scorpio
Taurus ~ Sagittarius
Gemini ~ Capricorn
Cancer ~ Aquarius
Leo ~ Pisces
Virgo ~ Aries
Libra ~ Taurus
Scorpio ~ Gemini
Sagittarius ~ Cancer
Capricorn ~ Leo
Aquarius ~ Virgo
Pisces ~ Libra

Here’s my take during my past, present & future:

Aries: Initially I had an undeniable attraction to their fiery, passionate side but like a paper fire, BIG blaze, not long-lived. Their tendency to be showy and nice soon faded and turned arrogant & self-centered.

Taurus: You know what’s strange? Maybe it’s just me, but with Taurus’ I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I freaking love them. Just the right amount of security and good conversation I need. BUT, I feel like it’s all down time with them. I seem to get bored but they don’t satisfy my urge for intensity.

Gemini: I have loads of friends that have Gemini in them and I have had Gemini admirers. But even so, I still can’t bring myself to ever date one again. I can’t seem to put a cross hair on one for more than a minute.

Cancer: I have many Cancer friends and I am one. We make hard-core buddies till the end. I have been best friends with one for over 10 years now! In many ways though, we are just like Taurus but I don’t feel we are boring. I’ve never dated one though. Wait! I did date one….and it was weird. I don’t want to date myself.

Leo: You see, I admire Leo, but I know if I was to date one, hell, I would get hurt. Leo friends are awesome though! It’s like partying with superstars. I have a few Leo buddies, and they are great to chill with. There is something so fiery about their spirit! And it rubs off on me because of my chameleon ability! Contentious relationships and some areas work really well, but some landmines too. Don’t critique them unless they ask outright! You’ll just hurt their feelings, and then they try and hit back in a way that is graceless, cheap, and not very competent.

Virgo: Too prissy for me. I have some Virgo friends, and they are so quiet, but comforting to me. And I hate when they criticize me. And I bet that they hate when I do it back to them. I dated one once, and I wanted to murder her by the end of it! As Friends though, yes, because they give great advice.

Libra: I have many Libra Friends. They throw great parties! Always enough drama to satisfy some gossip- or a fight!. And they are always into something interesting, even if it may be 100% pretentious. Dating one might harbor too much drama for me though. I like a steady course of action when I’m dating, no drama. But as friends, they can always cheer me up.

Scorpio: I thought dating Scorpios would be fun. But I’m afraid they’d like to play a fair bit of games in trying to keep the mysterious facade. Some of them are just plain too creepy to date.

Sagittarius: Fun, fun, fun! As friends. They make such awesome friends. They are so open, and cheerful and have enough energy to drag me along with them. Never dated one thought but they seem to like me.

Capricorn: Strangely enough, I didn’t bump into these girls. I had one as a friend once, lots of fun talking, and making jokes. But I could never get the seriousness part. I just don’t exude authority? Hahah, ahhh, I still haven’t really met any!

Aquarius: Killer friends and killer lovers! They make me laugh til my sides split and make me scream to the top of my lungs during intimacy. I love listening to their stories. I am always bumping into them. I work with one, and I have a blast talking to him. They can be childlike at times, and maybe even ANNOYING, hahaha, but I get over it fast because they always end up making me laugh & I even fell in love with one …still going strong!

Pisces: I have met some Pisces friends - I like the peacefulness, but I don’t know if there’d be enough about it that I’d find fascinating beyond that. Squirrelly, flightily, flakey women.

Moi xoxo

Lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestling was recently seen in an episode of THE L WORD. Our Chart & Fuse Events brought this exciting event to the ladies for Dinah Shore 2008. As promised, I got up and personal to film it before I got started on my own partying for the evening!

Guest host on the mike was Elizabeth Keener of L Word and Michelle Wolff of Dante’s Cove was the judge.

Enjoy!

Moi xoxo